So my mother's hitting A Landmark Birthday in a few days. I was originally going to throw her a surprise party -- I had colluded with my stepfather and brother on this, I had my Woman on the Ground in Virginia to help with the prepping, I had a list of people to invite -- and then Mom called and said, "I think I'd like to spend my birthday in California."
"We'd love to have you," I replied, while my inner party-planner stamped her foot and began a steady monologue that went: #$%&! #$%&! #$%&! "Put Joe on, would you?"
When Joe got on, I asked, "How serious is she about this trip?"
"She's pretty serious," he said. So I called off the party planning.
Two months later, my mom called again and let slip, "I don't think we'll be able to make it out to California after all."
"Um," I said. "Put Joe on."
#$%&! #$%&! #$%&!
So I ended up buying a ticket out to Virginia as a total non-surprise, and arranging travel for my brother to come up, so that we could have at least one surprise as befits the observation of A Landmark Birthday.
Then my brother called. "You may have noticed I live in coastal Florida," he said. "You may have also noticed that it's hurricane season. Do the names 'Gustav' and 'Hanna' ring a bell? The airlines keep laughing whenever I call to ask about flight schedules. Also, what should I get Mom for her birthday? She's anti-material goods. And I don't want to encourage her remodeling mania, so don't even try the Home Depot gift card on me."
"She likes chocolate," I said absently. "She loves the chocolate we can't get in the states. Get her a few cases of Bounty bars."
"Great!" said my brother, then signed off so he could resume storm-proofing his place. It hit me that not only had my last surprise been thwarted, I had also given away my emergency backup birthday gift idea.
#$%&! #$%&! #$%&!
Let my sad plight be a lesson to all of you: never try to plan ahead. And never tell anyone else your emergency backup birthday gift idea, even if they do share 50% of your DNA.
And let me take this opportunity to survey you. Charitable donation to a cause the recipient cares about: Great gift or obvious last-minute scramble?
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