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2008.02.13

Comments

hannah

I don't really like pasta, but I will make it occasionally for my husband because he loves it. He cannot stand polenta, so I always make that when he is not around. (I am not sure why I am comfortable making something I know I'm not going to love for dinner but not making something I know he won't- maybe because I always feel bad when he does the dishes after a less than stellar meal?)

When we first met, though, he did not eat any pork or red meat and that was really hard to work with. It's fine if you go out to eat a lot, but if you are eating at home and your favorite foods are off the menu? I can see being worried about making that sacrifice for the rest of your life.

Antoinette

I'll need to read the articles when I get home later, but I am very interested in the topic. I changed many things about my diet last May, and my husband and I have been struggling with working out the issues ever since.

In the past, we ate a lot of packaged food that he prepared. His method when dealing with high-calorie packaged food was to just give each of us a tiny portion (which led to me snacking all night.) We also ate out frequently, because we didn't grocery shop or plan meals regularly. All this worked for him (and he could lose 5-10 pounds whenever by giving up beer for two weeks), but packed the pound on me (I don't drink, so the beer trick wasn't possible.)

In May, I started a lean meats/whole grains/fruits and veggies plan, with most dinners cooked at home, and leftovers for lunches. I didn't expect him to eat on my plan, but also recognized he would have very little initiative to do otherwise.

We've had unbelievable power struggles as a result. I spare everyone the details but the latest was a puzzler: he let me know he was upset we never eat fish. He's known me for 18 years, and for every single day of those 18 years I have not eaten fish. The only compromise I could think of, other than preparing something I hate myself, was to tell him that if he buys fish and cooks it, I will eat it. So far, as I guessed, I have not had to eat fish.

Taffer

I was a vegetarian for a few years before moving in with my boyfriend. We definitely had some Meal Wars in the beginning when both of us wanted to keep the same diet we'd had before.

We found a a compromise we can live with - we cook 4-5 meals per week, with two of them having meat as a main ingredient (which I either eat or pick out). The rest of the meals are vegetarian, which he grudgingly accepts. For lunches or eating out, it's whatever the person wants. So far it's working.

I wasn't vegetarian for any particular reason, though, so that made everything somewhat easier. I don't know what we would have done if I felt strongly about not eating meat.

Auntie Maim

I have several pretty severe food allergies, and it's always an education to see how a new friend or boyfriend reacts to them. I knew I was onto something good when my current boyfriend (before we were really dating, no less) sent me chocolate for Valentine's Day with the note, "I had to look in a couple of places to find any without nuts. XXXOOO" So that's pretty awesome.

I'm anticipating a few bumps coming up, as we're planning to move in together and I cook lean meat/veggies/whole grains and hardly ever eat out in order to keep my health and weight in line and he doesn't. So far he likes what I've cooked for him, though, so here's hoping it will be an easy adjustment.

Jane

My husband detests onions and amazingly for someone who basically has no palate, he can snark out the most miniscule suggestion of onion in any dish. Oddly, he likes garlic.

It is VERY challenging to cook without onions, but I have had to compromise - sometimes I just give up and use onions and give fair warning.

I am basically obsessed with food - he is not, he couldn't care less. I would dearly like to have a partner who shared my love - it is not to be and never will be. He will sometimes watch the Food Network with me but probably because he's rather smitten with Nigella Lawson (and doesn't care what she cooks.) Oh well - he does have some positve qualities!

There is a silver lining - our 16 year old shares my interest in food - he "gets" why food is so important.

Jane

My husband detests onions and amazingly for someone who basically has no palate, he can snark out the most miniscule suggestion of onion in any dish. Oddly, he likes garlic.

It is VERY challenging to cook without onions, but I have had to compromise - sometimes I just give up and use onions and give fair warning.

I am basically obsessed with food - he is not, he couldn't care less. I would dearly like to have a partner who shared my love - it is not to be and never will be. He will sometimes watch the Food Network with me but probably because he's rather smitten with Nigella Lawson (and doesn't care what she cooks.) Oh well - he does have some positve qualities!

There is a silver lining - our 16 year old shares my interest in food - he "gets" why food is so important.

Kip

My husband's pickiness borders on mental illness: he's a vegetarian with a severe egg allergy. He prefers to eat local organic produce but will eat local conventional or Canadian/European organic if necessary. Nothing from China or Mexico, ever, no matter how it is labeled. No white flour, rice, or pasta. Doesn't like mushrooms...aaand he believes glazed plates are toxic so all of our dinnerware is glass. It's a good thing he's brilliant and funny and handsome, 'cause man, is he a lot of trouble.

Rachel

I've had a lot of vegetarian friends get into relationships with people who eat meat. In every case, one or the other partner changes eating habits quite dramatically - either the vegetarian starts eating meat, or the meat eater becomes vegetarian. It's been interesting to watch.

Brona

I'm a vegetarian who eats some fish (no meat, chicken, gelatin, stock, etc.) It's a weird line I've drawn, I know. My husband is a meat lover who indulges when he's in restaurants (which is not that often). Thank goodness for chocolate, it's our middle ground.

Like Jane, I am very interested in food, I watch the Food Channel, I collect cookbooks, I read recipes for fun. He couldn't care less, and when he cooks it's a lot of packaged stuff. And of course, we have two little boys, one of whom is a picky eater. Right now we are wallowing in cheese pizza and veggie nuggets, but I have hope that the kids will have some interest in food as they get older.

As far as compromise goes, I have learned to eat Lipton's Sidekick noodles, and my husband can eat tofu with some evidence of enjoyment. Frankly, we have both had to compromise more because of the kids than each other. Although if we didn't have pasta I don't know what I'd do.

SP

I'll be hitting my 20-year mark as a strict vegetarian this year; my husband is a full-on omnivore whose standard reaction to tofu is "Rather die!" It's a personal thing for me, though, so I'm cheerfully willing to cook him meat -- I don't care to eat it, but I don't have to. He haaaates cooking, so in the interest of feeding him healthy, balanced meals, I have learned to cook him the food he likes, to his evident satisfaction, and he cheerfully eats 2-3 meals a week that don't center on meat. The only thing that suffers is my personal perfectionist streak, because I know I could be adjusting and improving his recipes if I were to taste them; but I won't eat animals, so I don't.

It's really been quite easy, honestly. but we're both pretty flexible people, and we respect each other's positions. The latest adjustment is that I read The Omnivore's Dilemma and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle last fall, which ended the period in our lives where I was okay with buying meat at the local earthy-crunchy chain, and moved up the neurosis ladder one step to where I only buy it at the farmer's market, where the producers can vouch for the quality of the animals' lives and deaths. We spend more on meat, which Dave doesn't mind; and I get up early to buy his meat on the weekends, which I don't mind.

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