The Rage Diaries

The bravery of kindness

"The Exchange: Kindness for Rudeness" (NYT, Dec 23, 07) is sticking around in my head; the lump in my throat that arose for one of the people in the article won't go away either. To wit: the author is a skinny, 21-year-old snot who, due to poor planning and plain entitlement issues, systematically blows her food budget and eats the food of Karen, her roommate whom she holds in contempt.

The author treats Karen with complete bitchery, despite Karen's repeated displays of a brave kind of compassion. During a miserable Christmas in London:

I took a bunk as far as possible from Karen’s. I think she assumed we’d hang out together, but my roommate from college in the United States flew over, and we ran around going to art films and looking for cool record stores.

If Karen was disappointed, she didn’t let it slow her down. I remember her in her puffy ski jacket and hand-knit wool hat and mittens, lumbering back from sightseeing. She’d seen the Rosetta stone! She’d seen Lewis Carroll’s original manuscript for "Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland!" Her cheerful self-sufficiency drove me crazy.

Then the author catches the flu. And -- get this -- Karen tends to her, generously and without question. Afterward, the author writes:

Back in Ireland, she never said another word about me scarfing her leftovers, while I was maybe less snooty but still aloof.

And the piece ends not long after, with the author admitting that years later, she finally realized how kind Karen had been. And -- pow! -- I was undone. Not for the author's mingy epiphany, but for Karen. It is soft and easy to be kind to people who are nice to you in your hometown. This college girl was thousands of miles from home,  and every day, she made the decision to be kind to undeserving snots in a place that wasn't home. Can you imagine the courage that must have taken, to extend consideration in the face of repeated rejection?

I hope to God that now Karen's got a life that runs over with generosity and kindness. That kind of quiet heroism deserves rewards.

Would you like to destroy my sweater?

Pull this string and I'll walk away ...

Now that I've planted that song in your head (you're welcome!), let's talk holiday sweaters.

I will admit to love-love-loving holiday sweaters in the 1980s and even in the very early 1990s. What was more festive than a red sweater with snowflakes knit into it, I ask you? And even now, I keep a red cashmere tee around just so I can look festive on December 25.

So I'm sort of amused by the irony-laced regard with which people are now tackling these sweaters -- witness Buzzfeed's roundup of ugly holiday sweater parties. And I am sort of in awe over the thought that goes into generating holiday sweaters:

Most of the sweaters at Coldwater Creek do not speak to a specific holiday, like Christmas, but are more generically seasonal. This way, the designs are more inclusive of different faiths (apart from a few that show trees decorated with tinsel, described online as “festive”).

And they can be worn well beyond the season’s usual expiration date of Dec. 25.

They should be both denim-friendly and spiffy enough to be worn over black velvet pants for a holiday party. They should be conscious of volatile weather patterns and overheated rooms, which is why there are so many more cardigan styles than crew necks.

-- "Behind that Merry Sweater, Some Holly, Jolly R&D," NYT, Dec 20, 07

It seems a lot more sound than the research logic employed at the Quacker Factor, if this clip is anything to go by. (That's their fiber optic-lighted holiday sweater illustrating this post, by the way.)

Where do you stand on the festive-sweater issue? Is this the kind of thing where old people and little children get a pass? Is it appropriate in some regions but unthinkable in others? (I like to speculate on whether or not Hawaiian people debate the merits of Santa-themed shirts.) Or will snotty tastemakers pry your snowflake sweater out of your cold dead hands?

Such a deal!

You all have read alllll about how I love me some spendy soy Kobo candles. And now you can experience the wonder for yourself at a fraction of the usual cost: Garnet Hill has three different scents in stock and they're on sale for $12 apiece. I can personally vouch for the fresh currant and fig scents, but I'm sure the chocolate-orange one is great too.

Go, go, go, stock up now. The candles come in gorgeous paper cannisters that can double as wrapping, and they make great hostess gifts.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle: Who's in for December?

It's the last month of this year's challenge. Y'all have slogged long and hard, schlepped totes and broke down cardboard boxes, re-used foil and reduced paper-towel use. You can hang in for another four weeks!

In keeping with the season, I'll be focusing my efforts around the holidays: I'm going to reduce the amount of new packaging I use when shipping gifts all over the place; I'm going to reuse gift boxes and bags I already have on hand; I'm going to recycle the holiday plants I've got by planting them in the yard (or a non-peppermint-striped pot) when the season's done.

So tell me how you plan to reduce/reuse/recycle around the holidays? What resource-friendly measures will you take? Which holiday traditions are you feeling a little conflicted and guilty over? Are you involving friends and family in your reduce/reuse/recycle efforts?

Why I love economists

[L]et's do something to reform Halloween. The first step would be for Halloween donors to give kids money instead of candy. Kids could then go to the supermarket the next day and binge on the candies they really like. That solution would get an A-plus in economics.

I am not optimistic that Americans would be so enlightened. So other solutions should be sought. Many schools prohibit children from taking Halloween candy onto the premises. That is exactly the wrong policy. Schools should encourage all children to bring their entire haul to school, and allow them a lengthy period to trade candies among themselves. That way, the Take 5s and the 100 Grand bars will find their way to individuals who cherish them.

Of course, nobody will take the Charleston Chews, so we should also consider a federal block grant to local school districts to support environmentally friendly disposal of the candy.

-- "Halloween Is an Economist's Biggest Nightmare," American Enterprise Institute, Oct 30, 07

Help me shop

So here is the deal: I do not send out Christmas cards because it is so stressful to write them out and get them in the mail while I'm also trying to do the shopping and the cooking and the decorating and the making of warm f***ing holiday memories, goddamn it.

However, the guilt always gets me, because I happen to know many many people who do not have my holiday issues and are, in fact, overflowing with peace, fellowship, time-management skills and good penmanship -- and they all send me Christmas cards. So I found a perfect solution with the January cards. You see a sample at left. And honestly, it was nice to sort of drag out the holiday goodwill with the card-sending in January.

However, when I wrote KnockKnock to ask when they'd be releasing the January 2008 cards, they told me they're not producing any this year. This baffles me, because in an interview a few years ago, KnockKnock founder Jen Bilik had said of the card, "It continues to be one of our best-selling holiday cards, printed and reprinted every holiday season. The retailers like it because it extends the card season by a month into the new year." Last year, the 2007 cards sold out pretty quickly at places like Uncommon Goods -- but I guess things have changed in the intervening months.

I am now in the market for a substitute card. So far, the stuff I've seen is very positive and upbeat and sweet and absolutely guaranteed to make any recipients wonder if I've been replaced by a pod person. So I am flinging the question out to y'all: do you know any offbeat, yet not hideously tacky, stationers who carry New Year's cards? Where are your favorite places to look for paper goods online?

Re-gifting: Yay or Nea?

A little mini-trend I've noticed: stories saying it's okay to save money and reduce the clutter in your house by regifting.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the term: "regifting" is when you take a gift you received but didn't like, rewrap it, and pass it on on to someone else. Proponents cite its convenience; economists thrill to its efficiency:

Six in 10 people between the ages of 25 and 34 report they have regifted before and plan to regift in the future, according to the Tassimo survey. Nearly three-quarters say they regifted because they felt the item was perfect for the new recipient. Three in 10 say they lacked money to buy a gift or simply ran out of time. The survey, conducted in early August, interviewed 1,505 U.S. adults ages 25 to 55.

Regifting serves to make gift-giving -- a highly inefficient custom, economists say -- a little more economical. "People choose the wrong things for gifts. From the recipient standpoint, gift-giving is a terrible way to allocate resources," says Joel Waldfogel, chairman of the Business and Public Policy Department at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School.

-- "Regifting: a Scrooge Move No More," WSJ, Dec 19, 06

Personal-finance types laud it as a smart budget-saving move:

The fact is more people are finding regifting an acceptable practice, according to a survey by Money Management International, a consumer credit counseling agency ... and only a third do it to save money ...

"When done carefully, regifting, combined with other saving strategies, can help keep spending under control," said Cate Williams, vice president of financial literacy for MMI.

-- "The Do's and Don'ts of Regifting," WaPo, Dec 17, 06

And apparently, regifting is no longer considered rude: according to "As Regifting Catches On, Some New Websites Make It Easier to Do" (Marketwatch, Jan 3, 07). Emily Post now has rules online for how to do it.

What was interesting about all three articles was how they all, at one point, cited surveys that found more people re-gifting. It's sort of the "everyone's doing it, so it's now okay!" premise. What's also interesting: not a whole lot of feedback from the recipients of regifts.

What do y'all think of regifting? Do you have rules for when it's okay? Have you been on the other end of regifting?

Have a blue Christmas

Somber Blue Christmas services are being held at many churches around the country this year, in recognition of what psychologists have long known: that the contrived good cheer of the holiday season can actually make some people who are dealing with heartbreak feel worse. The Blue Christmas services confront feelings of grief and loss head-on.

"Holidays in our culture are often about families, and families are not always happy institutions," said O'Dwyer Randall, who once worked as a grief counselor. "I think that particularly if you're facing a death or a divorce, the 'empty chair syndrome' becomes very real at this time of year."

-- "Somber Services Mark 'Blue Christmas,'" AP, Dec 20, 06

This is, I think, a wonderful example of ministering to the needs of the people.

75% of the way there

Three more holiday-themed TV movies assessed for your viewing pleasure over at Teevee. We reveal -- to the surprise of nobody -- that we absolutely adore Dolly Parton and think she can do no wrong; she is the lotus that blooms out of the mud, pure and pristine and gleaming while everything else wallows in filth around her.

Fortunately for all of you who enjoy a merciless fragging, we also deliver one of those to another movie.

Don't forget you can also check out our parts I and II of this series.

Procrastinators, rejoice!

I don't know how it is in your area, but around here, the Marines have already collected all the Toys for Tots barrels. If you're smacking your forehead in consternation, stop it. You'll leave a mark. Also, you won't have a hand free to navigate MyTwoFrontTeeth, a site that matches up kids with their wishlist toys courtesy of your small ($30 and under) donations. There are approximately 1000 kids' wishes to fulfill.

The Bay Area-based organization is taking donations up to December 24. What they do:

We research community organizations that work with underprivileged children and carefully choose our partners.  We then give toy catalogs (20 toys under  $25, selected by our staff)  to these organizations to distribute among the children they support. On each profile card, the children tell us about themselves (name, age, favorite food, etc.), draw a picture on the back, and choose one toy as their holiday wish.

After collecting the cards, we scan the kids' drawings and enter their information into an online profile for each child.  Sponsors from around the community can then visit MyTwoFrontTeeth.org, browse through all of the children's profiles, and sponsor a child (or two!) by completing checkout. The toys are bulk-purchased through our distributors and are shipped to the community organizations where they are wrapped and given to the children a few days before the holidays.

Surfing through the kids to sponsor is just ... oh, man, when a kid says his favorite animal is a monkey and he loves singing carols during the holidays, it is hard not to give in and get him that set of bongos he wants.

Best of all, you can give gifts in someone else's name. So if you have a few hard-to-shop-for types on your list, just pop on over to MyTwoFrontTeeth and sponsor a few gifts. It's a win-win-win situation!