I think I may have found a lucrative sideline

I don't recall whether or not I've told youall this already, but our trip to the Big Island that I was all excited about a few months ago ... was cancelled. We had our tickets on Aloha airlines, and while we were in Blacksburg, that's when we learned that Aloha had shut down operations.

In theory, I was supposed to spend this past week marveling at lava flows at Hawai'i Volcano National Park. In practice, I have been reading about the vog that the park is grappling with and fuming at our credit card company. You see, when we learned that Aloha was shutting down, we turned to each other and said, "Hey! One of the good things about using a credit card to purchase goods and services is that when said goods or services fail to materialize, you can call them up and dispute the charge! Credit card companies even tell you this!"

I first contacted the customer service hotline at our credit card company on April 1. We are still negotiating with the company. We have sent them copies of the billing statement where the tickets showed up (copies which -- heh -- they had to send to us first before we could officially send them back), copies of our e-tickets and proof that we tried to resolve this matter with Aloha airlines before asking the credit card company to eliminate the charge for the service that was not delivered. I look forward to seeing what delaying tactic the card company uses with us next.

And by "look forward," I mean "sublimate my irritation by writing cranky consumer letters." In the past month I have:

-- Heavily edited a letter Phil sent to the San Francisco Giants front office after he had a thoroughly unpleasant experience with some peanut-throwing gibbons in the Oracle suites.

-- Sent an email to Martha Stewart Omnimedia after a peel-down Swiffer ad kept me from clicking a hyperlink five times in a row. I'm okay with ads on websites. I am not okay with the ad completely biffing the entire user experience. It is not a good thing.

-- Sent an email to Dairy Queen denouncing this commercial as sexist and revolting.

-- Sent an email to my representative on the EBMUD board of directors pointing out that an across-the-board 19% reduction in water use effectively punishes people who were already conserving and only provides incentive to whoop it up in the fat times so that the next round of cutbacks doesn't hurt.

With the exception of the last letter, I've received quite nice replies. (As I should, since I wrote quite polite letters.) And someday, Phil will tell you how the Giants made everything okay. But here is the weird and guilty thing: I freakin' love writing these letters. It is better than yoga for reducing the tension in my back.

So now, I have only two things to worry about. First, that I really am on the road to becoming one of those cranks who writes everyone about everything. And second, that I'm never getting my money back from the credit card company. Because if that's the case, I'm going to need to do a lot of letter-writing to get the tension out of my back.

Comments

[Kerry]

Don't worry about it, because I also find that pointed and precise complaining is an effective stress release tool. I don't necessarily write letters. Sometimes just pointing out that something is fucked up is enough validation.

Any day I get through without obscenity is a good day.

[Antoinette]

I just saw that Dairy Queen ad last night! And I couldn't believe what I was seeing; in fact, I tried not to think about it too much to avoid rampant disgust. I'd love to see a summary of your letter on that one.

[Julie]

If you decide to do this as a sideline, let me know and I'll freelance for you! I write excellent cranky-yet-polite letters that nearly always get results. Among my rewards: a $40 gift card from Target, a BIG box of gourmet cookies from a local medical center, and a month off our newspaper subscription. But my best one was when we received seriously bad service from the optical center where we get the kids' glasses--both of them got their next pair free!

[Jana]

I really love being a crank. I write letters about good and bad service, but I really love feeling like I have done the right thing by complaining about bad service. My all-time favorite complaint story is from the time I complained to Victoria's Secret corporate offices about how a snotty store manager looked me up and down in the doorway of the store and said "we don't have anything in your size here" and I said "well, you just cost yourself an enormous gift card sale since I'm buying a group gift for a bachelorette party" and then wrote to the corporate offices. Who then gave me a ginormous gift card that would work anywhere in their corporate empire (that no longer exists as it once did) and apologized so profusely that it was really a work of art. I wish I'd kept that letter.

I also recently complained about some insensitivity from a JetBlue employee, and got a corporate form letter in response, so I am debating about letting it go or re-complaining to someone else in that company.

[Becky]

Oh, I feel the same way! It is so damn therapeutic to write letters like that, even though I rarely get a response.

[hannah]

"First, that I really am on the road to becoming one of those cranks who writes everyone about everything."

And what, exactly, is wrong with that? It's one of my main goals in life.

[Lisa S.]

Oh my gosh, no offense intended! I'm just thinking of the person who writes in to our island's semiweekly paper on a regular basis and how, the minute I see her name in the letters column, my eyes just sort of slide on to the next thing. I cling to the belief that deployment is 4/10s of effectiveness in these letters.

That said, if you do write a lot of those letters, I'm thinking you have a book there somewhere. An epistolary work of some sort, at least.

[Maria]

My problem is that, while I totally got the cranky-letter-writer gene from my grandfather, I tend to parse it all out in my head in the car or the shower and never actually write the letter out. Just threatening to write a letter has been pretty effective at times, though.

[Girl Detective]

I'm also a letter writer, though it is time consuming. I found that it helps to be specific about what I want, and to say something like "if I don't receive a satisfactory reply I will review your product/service accordingly online and at your websites."

[Auntie Maim]

So glad to hear that so many others are cranky letter-writers too! I've written angry letters to RMS Titanic, Inc. (ridiculously sloppy grammatical errors in museum exhibit) and FedEx (ignorant employee told me the wrong box to check for the level of service, resulting in grant application with estimated delivery date exactly 1 week after the due date). The latter sent a very kind letter apologizing and enclosed a check refunding the shipping cost plus the amount I spent on copying, printing, and transcripts for the application. It only encouraged me to write more angry letters.

[Auntie Maim]

Also, a cranky letter-writing tip: my dad suggested looking up the CEO or other appropriate person online, and directing the letter straight to him or her, so it doesn't get lost in some crank pile.

[Lisa S.]

Also, a cranky letter-writing tip: my dad suggested looking up the CEO or other appropriate person online, and directing the letter straight to him or her, so it doesn't get lost in some crank pile.

Yeah, that's the next step in our battle versus our credit card company. Thank you, Investor Relations sites, for the handy information!