Every little girl a princess, every little boy a monster

One of the unanticipated benefits of using Amazon Mom is that it's a wonderful window into the mainstream parent-industrial complex. Living as I do in the Bay Area -- land of babies dressed in transgressively hip ensembles and named after Charles Mingus albums -- it is easy to believe that we're all nurturing our kids to chase their bliss, unweighted by gendered expectations and the accompanying baggage.

So when I log into Amazon Mom and see a big ol' display for Disney Cuddly Bodysuits and that those bodysuits are split along baffling gender lines ... it's an unpleasant reminder that sooner or later, I'm going to have to explain to my daughter that her ideas of what it means to be a person and a girl are not the same as the wider world's ideas of what it means to be a person and a girl.

Consider: this green bodysuit, clearly inspired by Pixar's Monsters, INC., is listed under baby boy clothing. So are the three-packs of Monsters, INC. bodysuits, the Cars bodysuits and 101 Dalmations. Little baby girls can get dressed in the Aristocats and Minnie Mouse.

The same day I discovered that the green bodysuit is apparently meant for little boys, I happened to get a Company Kids catalog. Fun fact: little girls get "pony dreams," "ballerina stars," "cupcake parties" and pastel polka dots. Little boys get "travel by sky," "scaryosaurus," "safari expedition" and primary colored stars.

Here is where I unpack my own gender baggage for you: From ages four to seven, I was passionately interested in dinosaurs. Like, to the point where the entire neighborhood knew I was going to be a paleontologist when I grew up. I was also a little girl who liked wearing dresses, and it baffled me that nobody ever made a dinosaur print dress. I didn't want the little blue t-shirt and pants set with the stegosaurus print, I wanted a dress. It fell to my parents to gently explain that the people who made clothes didn't think that little girls liked dinosaurs.

Rather naively, I had assumed that things had progressed in the intervening 30-odd years. My generation -- the generation that grew up on Free to Be You and Me and Star Wars -- is now sufficiently advanced in the workforce where we're product managers and marketing directors. We're making the mainstream commercial culture.

Yet we're apparently perpetuating and imposing an incredibly rigid set of gender signals through consumer choices. It's entirely possible that product managers have run the numbers and concluded that there aren't enough dino-loving little girls out there to justify a sundress with a raptor on the chest. People do buy what they think boys or girls "should" like. When I unloaded five boxes of baby-related stuff at a consignment store recently, the store owner remarked that I must have had a girl because "baby boys don't get stuffed animals. At least, not as many as baby girls." I honestly don't know who to feel worse for -- the little boys who don't get a lovey or the little girls who don't get a toy car to roll around.

My daughter is only eight months old. At this point, her interests are mostly gender-free: She likes to knock down towers of blocks, eat the corners of her board books and play peekaboo. But eventually, she's going to get introduced to pop culture. She'll see Toy Story, and Finding Nemo, and all that. And we may end up having a conversation about why we can't find her a pink Buzz Lightyear t-shirt. I'm already dreading it. And I have no good answer for her if she asks why things haven't changed.

Comments

[MikeB]

Sad that not much has changed on the mass-production level, and that items like a pink Buzz Lightyear shirt, dinosaur dress, or Strawberry Shortcake shirt for boys aren't lining the store shelves.

But at least we have the Internet. There are some really cute dinosaur dresses for sale from a variety of places, for those willing to spend a bit of time with a search engine. We're less bound to big stores and mail-order catalogs, so at least we have more options now.

[ginger]

On a related note, just yesterday I was reflecting on the giant buckets of money George Lucas could have made from girls by letting Princess Leia and R2D2 go off and have adventures. Harriet the Spy meets Indiana Jones. Han Solo could stop by at the end and take her out to dinner or something, the way Ned did with Nancy Drew.
I would have watched the hell out of that, and I would have bought all the associated product. Instead I gather in canon SW she was in charge of everything but never got to have a damn adventure again. (And, you know, the one she did get to have was so awesome what with doing nothing except for asking dudes for help and quipping.)
I see a niche. You could sell a lot of dinosaur-print dresses, I think, as well as pink multipocket vests for future geologists. (I know - but the thing is just as you wanted dresses, some girls want pink.)

[Lisa S.]

Ginger, you are dead on. I wanted a GIRLY dinosaur outfit. To my kindergarten mind, I was a girl and I loved dinosaurs, and I wanted something that meshed the two.

I think a lot of little girls are like that: They like Cars and they like princess dresses, and they want a princess dress that looks like Lightning McQueen's colors.

[Becky]

Now, I realize that I am also a hippie pinko commie Bay Area parent, but my son has tons and tons of stuffed animals. He doesn't have a baby doll, but when we were visiting friends he went for their kids' toys and ended up playing with the baby doll for a while. Excellent!

(I only had a few dolls growing up, and had no interest in playing with them, which is why it would never occur to me to get a doll for a child of either sex. I was a pretty big tomboy, and hence was the sort of girl happy to wear the green dinosaur t-shirt, because I hated pink and HATED dresses.)

He does have cooking toys that he loves. And despite the BLUE! and PINK! sections in most toy stores, I've noticed that most play kitchens are in bold, primary colors. That's . . . well, maybe not progress, but at least it's not regression.

[Rebecca]

On gender and social constructs, I highly recommend Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neuroscience Create Difference by Cordelia Fine. It goes in quite a bit about babies and how gender is socially constructed even before you are born. Enjoy!

[Katie]

This has always frustrated me too. I've never understood why toys have to be divided by gender. My son is very imaginative and plays with dolls, stuffed animals, doll houses, etc. much more than his sister ever did. He wouldn't understand if someone considered his epic space battle between beanie babies, littlest pet shops, and schleich horses playing with "girl toys". My moderately girly daughter loves Star Wars but isn't happy that most of her Star Wars shirts have to come from the boys section of shops. She would love a Darth Vader dress! I bet I could make her a skirt...

[Meghan]

I am actually really curious to see what kind of things we get now that we're having a boy. We have so many toys and stuff from Catherine's infancy but are we going to be deluged with trucks? (Even though we have many already) Or dinosaurs? (Again, we have several) Or other toys that are more "manly"?

It will be interesting to see, for sure. I've already noticed how a lot of baby boys' clothing is all about sports and vehicles and stuff like that. It is so weird, the things that society has decided are masculine and feminine.

[verucaamish]

My godson and goddaughter love walking in high heels because of the loud clomp clomp they make. I have seen both of them in outfits composed of a tiara, fireman's jacket, and cape. Gender-based marketing is a total miss because small children often see toys for the utilitarian value (the noise they make) as opposed to gender markers.

[Amanda]

It's not a total miss, though. It's a total win for retailers. You don't hand clothes down from the opposite gender when retailers have convinced you that that is outside the norm.

My recollections of childhood are different. Of course girls were expected to be one thing or the other but the mega-marketing machines around pink and princesses were not there.

I find major retailers have reached a fever pitch in regards to pinks and, frankly, the girls stuff goes hand in hand with the breast cancer stuff. Pink is the retailers golden nugget it seems.

Anyway, I really hate that buying from the "other side of the aisle" makes me feel like I'm making a political statement. And I hate that so many of my peers have bought in (with their minds and their dollars).

[Lisa S.]

It is amazing, isn't it, Amanda?

Today, a friend of mine posted a link to a Baby Gap collection that I thought would look lovely on my child: all ivory and cocoa shades, cozy and soft and functional for active, busy little crawlers.I don't see a thing about it that's explicitly gendered ... yet it's sold as a boy's collection (http://www.gap.com/browse/category.do?cid=69383).

By contrast, much of the girl's stuff is pink and/or ruffly.

The merchandise dichotomy reminds me of the observation that boys' names can cross over to little girls with approval (see also: Avery, Shannon, Ashley, Courtney, Lesley, Riley, Dylan) but you NEVER see any parents naming their boy something more strongly associated with girls.

(After all, isn't one of the jokes on 30 Rock that Kenneth's middle name is Ellen?)

I think that speaks to a larger issue that it's okay for girls to take on boys' interests and traits, but God forbid little boys be encouraged to pick up externally-identified "girl" traits. That suggests that "Boy" is something normal/aspirational and "Girl" is a condition one either lives with or overcomes.

[molly]

In general, you never know how things play out. I bought ZERO pink for my daughter. She really has only been around boys. She loves pink. She runs around NW DC in a pink super hero cap with a yellow lightening bolt on the back. She is also obsessed with Wall-E. She really hasn't been into toys instead she spent a large part of her "playtime" taking things apart in my house...like the pin out of the hinges on the doors! I have experienced new levels of anger by her play decisions. At one point, I would have been much happier had she started playing with dolls.

[amanda]

Oh! I love that whole collection, Lisa! Dammit.

And to Molly's point...there is a certain level of splitting hairs that can seem a bit pointless after awhile. I have to keep reminding myself that pink is not the enemy but it's a symptom. Would your son be allowed to run around with a pink super hero cape? I mean, probably your son would but for most people the answer is a definitive "no." And, I guess I have to look askance at something that is allowed (and encouraged and foisted and pushed) for girls but is verboten for boys.

And, it's not even that women still aren't equal in our society it's that we still aren't fully respected. Pink is a delimiter in our society though it really, really shouldn't be.

Long ago, before the color pink existed, children did not pine for it. They didn't insist on it. They didn't harangue their mothers for glitter and sparkles. So, it's not innate, it is learned. But is it limiting for both girls and boys... does it even matter if it is?

[Online toy shops]

You made me remember of my childhood while reading your blog. I remember that I used to have ballerina dolls in polka dots dresses, a set of Barbie dolls all given to me by my mom and my uncle.

[molly]

I am starting the process of applying for Kindergarten for my son. Amanda's comment made me think of a certain all-boys private school that punishes boys by making them carry their books in a bright pink Barbie backpack. I flipped when I heard this. Obviously, we would never send my son there. But it bothers me still that other people think this is ok. What year is it?!

[Christina]

That's horrific, Molly. I think the gender divide in marketing targeted at kids is way worse than it used to be. Just in the last few months I've run across two blog posts (possibly one blog linked to the other) specifically looking at it: http://www.achilleseffect.com/2011/03/word-cloud-how-toy-ad-vocabulary-reinforces-gender-stereotypes/ and http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2009/07/17/vintage-lego-ad/

[KrisT]

We shop the boys aisle a lot, because my kids like dinosaurs, monkeys, and the colour orange. But I cannot tell you how many Target cashiers and/or other parents in line have told me that I will 'make them grow up lesbian' for dressing them in boys clothes.

The big issue for me now is underpants - it is hard to shop the boy aisle, because they are y-fronted, and not androgynous, like a t-shirt might be. Boys get: the Cars movie, Toy Story, monkeys. Girls get: princesses and female Disney characters. It is so stupid to me - my kids love that Cars movie, but there is nothing for girls to wear that is Cars themed. And we don't watch princess movies, because I don't like the messages they send little girls. It doesn't help potty-training when your kids can't pick out the underwear they want because it is gendered in cut.

But we do have pink and green 'dinosaurs riding in cars' jammies, also from Target, so sometimes they get it right.

[watch The Vampire Diaries megavideo]

yah your right that is a good diaries not let try to read my vampire diaries with megavideo online

[boys clothing]

what a great post title. some things never change! lol